11 Sep The Thing About Stereotypes. Part 2.
Challenging the love stereotypes.
It’s going to be tough trying to challenge this one. That’s because for a long time these stereotypes have persisted and have actually come to be accepted as fact,
One of the classic stereotyping that has to do with love is the one that says: all men are dogs. Society tries to tell us that no matter how wonderful a man is, he is going to stray-at least once. It is just his nature. The Aunty Jemimas tell us not to ‘let-his-innocent-face-fool you’, he’s going to break your heart. And because of this stereotyping out there, a girl’s senses are always on hyper alert waiting for the other shoe to drop. If there’s a little hint of any sort of female relationship in her man’s life, she goes ballistic. The problem with this kind of stereotyping is only too obvious. A woman will find it difficult to know when she has found a good man, and her overtly suspicious behavior might even induce him to cheat thereby reinforcing the negative stereotype.
True love comes along only once- yes but only in romance books. Contrary to what Nollywood and Hollywood tells us, you really do not have to die for love. You might be willing to do it but the willingness and actually doing it are two different things. Take this example a friend told me about. A renowned poet was actually in love with someone for over 40 years! He kept proposing to her and he got rejected every time. I think he died alone. Some people commit suicide just because their love is unrequited. The funny thing about love is that if you open your heart, that person you thought you couldn’t live without, later on just becomes a distant memory and you wonder why you were so affected by it in the first place.
All the good ones are taken. This is a statement made by doomsayers and pessimists. But before you believe that, ask yourself- are you a good person or not? The answer is in life, you usually get whatever you deserve. If all you are getting are the rotten ones, take a pause, think and consider. Maybe there are a few things you need to change.
People who use dating services or date online are desperate. Well, I don’t know about this one. In today’s world people spend an inordinate amount of time at work, leaving little time for social interaction. Dating online seems a convenient way to meet new people. True, a lot of those who place their profiles online may be freaks, but once in a while you stumble upon a diamond in the rough. I know a couple who got married and they met each other on facebook. They are still happy. However if you’re the type who visits porn sites online, desperate is not the word I’d use to describe you.
Blind dates always have dismal results. Most certainly not. A lot of people have gotten their soulmates by people hooking them up. People they have never met before. And if you ask them they’d tell you how grateful they were that they went on a blind date. Sometimes Aunty Jemimas can be right. Especially when they tell you to open your heart and give it a chance.
Men are intimidated by strong, successful women. The male ego as we have been told is pretty fragile, so it really cannot deal with a woman who is bold and independent and strong. Pshaw! The real problem in dating comes when you do not try to be yourself and do you. When you pretend to be something else, they run the other way. So if you’re a strong, successful woman naturally don’t listen to those who try to tell you to tone it down. The right man will like you that way. Do not wait to buy a car or build a house because it will drive prospective men away. Do what works for you instead. If you can afford it, then go right ahead.
People who date inter-racially are romantically doomed. Hmm. There are problems no doubt marrying from a race other than yours. Whether we like it or not, there’d be a sort of culture barrier. People may look at you funny. But you may need to look at the grander scheme of things and ask yourself: is my relationship with this person worth all the hassle? If it is, then don’t look back.
All women are gold diggers. It has been said that all women only want to find a rich man, marry him so that they never have to lift a finger again. If that is true, why do we still see a lot of women still falling head over heels for fellows who do not have a pouch of pennies to call their own?
Long distance relationships never work. The fact that something is difficult doesn’t mean it can never work. If you don’t have to do a long distance thing, avoid it like the plague. But if there are extenuating circumstances, then man up and face it. You just have to work harder at it-if its worth it.
All women are crazy. Women may behave crazy sometimes but I’ll bet that if men took a little sense more time trying to understand their antics and less time dismissing them as craziness, some of their actions may begin to make a little more sense to them. I’d like to clarify this statement by saying not all women are crazy but all women are interesting. Try to get to know the interesting side.
So there you have it. My attempt at challenging some of the common love stereotypes. We shouldn’t let society dictate to us the kind of people we should love or the kind of love to expect from a particular group of people. When you’re in doubt you should listen to two voices; your heart and the Lover of your soul.
P.S: Perhaps there are a few stereotypes about love that was left out. Let us know your views and opinions on how to deal with those stereotypes.