24 Dec Why I dislike PDA
Why I dislike PDA
Public display of affection or throwing confetti as a friend of mine has termed it, can be truly thrilling whether it’s done over social media or when the couple are together with another group of people, what with the incessant tweeting and ‘yadaing’ about how great your partner is, or how he or she is so perfect or how you couldn’t help loving him or her. It means everyone around you gets to know that you and your significant other have something special. They know you guys are in love. They get to share in your joys and your triumphs. They get to witness firsthand how happy you guys are or how good you two are together. You get to be the butt of a lot of good-natured ribbing. You look like the perfect, idyllic couple. It’s great, really great. It adds spice to life, flavor to the humdrum and monotonous plodding that comes with everyday living.
So why then, do I dislike PDA? Well, one of the reasons I can give to this is the response given by a little girl in a movie I watched recently. The family had just lost their wife and mother. They were trying to cope with it, while opposite them their neighbors’ were having a wild, raucous party. The little girl turned to her father and complained with tears in her eyes: “Their happy is too loud. Why is their happy so loud?”
Of course, it would be unreasonable to assume that just because some people are in pain and hurting, the rest of the world should suffer with them. It would be very wrong. But the truth is sometimes, your happy might just be too loud. I’m a firm believer in moderation in all things even good things. Sometimes you might need to tone down your PDA a bit in deference to those who are hurting around you, the heartbroken, the jilted, the divorced, those suffering abuse. Some of them might not have obvious wounds to show you but they bleed internally. Why should you add to their distress with your thoughtless display?
Another reason is that like most things nowadays PDAs brings about competition. Sometimes, it gets a little unhealthy. Now people are trying to outdo themselves to see who can bring about the most ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ when they are in public. While that can be somewhat helpful in a relationship, so that your partner won’t be too laid back, it can be a source of frustration too. Let us consider this hypothetical couple: Peter and Grace. Peter is a fun loving, introverted fellow who loves his fiancée Grace very much. They are members of a local youth group in their area where they frequently hang out and sometimes double date.
Girl: You don’t love me Pete.
Peter: Grace, what are you talking about? You know, I love you.
Grace: No you don’t. At least not like Dare loves Lola. He says it all the time and he always says she’s the best thing that ever happened to him.
Peter(smiling): I just told you that yesterday Grace. I was going to tell you again today, if you like.
Grace: You don’t say it when the other guys are there. You just tell me when we are alone. If you really meant it, you would say it when we are all together.
Peter is perplexed. Grace never complained before, not until Dare and Lola started becoming all mushy in public.
Peter: Ok Grace. I’ll try to do better.
The opportunity comes one day when the group go out to have lunch. Peter as always is the most conservative of the group. He is quiet, more quiet than usual while the rest of the group are clapping each other on the back and exchanging jokes. He is thinking carefully about what he is going to say, how to express what Grace means to him.
The noise seems like it will never stop. Grace is looking up at him, wondering why he is so quiet. He is struggling to find words. He clears his throat.
“Ahem,” he begins. Everybody turns to look at him. “I-I l-o-v-e Grace,” he manages to choke out. The group stares at him in silence for a second and then erupts into laughter.
“We all know that dude,” someone says ruffling his hair. Grace is trying her best not to look at him. Peter is wishing he could suddenly sink into the ground.
The whole point of the short story is that Peter is not such an expressive person at least not in public. However, due to pressure from his girlfriend, who feels left out of the whole PDA drama, he is trying to become someone he is not and failing at it. We don’t know yet if Grace might berate him later for his inability to be more like Dare or for even daring to embarrass her with his ineptitude. Needless frustration, isn’t it?
Those advocating for the PDA thing suggest that public display reinforces self-esteem and convinces you of the depth of your significant other’s convictions. While that may be true and PDA might actually help, if you need PDA to always do that for you then the relationship might actually be heading for trouble.
PDA is not all bad though. Some say that expressing PDA periodically helps give an endorphin boost and though the movies have conditioned us to think that everything must always be done in a grand way, I beg to differ. The ‘wow’ factor can still exist without so much glitz and paparazzi. Just be creative.
So while you’re expressing your PDA always remember this; love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, or boastful.
P.S : Do you agree with me or not? Do you like PDA or not?